douchebag or no douchebag?

grindr douches

2012-01-26T10:23:00.000-08:00

I've never used this.... service.. myself but I a visiting friend does and showed me the incredible world of douche bags only 300 feet from my current location. So I goggles grinder douche and there's a site for that!

douchebags of grindr

VICE Guide to North Korea

2011-12-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

Hey! A dead dictator for my birthday! Thanks!

Vice Guide to Travel shows this scintillating culture in all its glory.
Just kiddin'!

My Day of Judgement Billboard

2011-05-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

Done today. Click for bigger, obviously.

Lysette

2010-12-08T22:05:00.001-08:00

You GO Takei !!!!

2010-11-03T13:55:00.001-07:00

ha

2010-10-23T15:53:00.000-07:00

The Snake.

2010-10-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

A comedy about a guy who joins a body image help group under false pretenses to pursue a bulimic girl after his buddies tell him a normal sized girl he was hitting on was too fat. Dark, funny douchery; the character exploits the bulimia, but the film does not. All the nobodies in it perform their asses off. Oh yeah HE'S A DOUCHE!

Son of a.............!

2010-10-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

Douchebag - the movie

doucheneighbor

2010-09-27T20:21:00.001-07:00

I have had to put up with this creep for years - he lives next door and talks on his cel phone in the back parking area, so all the surrounding buildings can hear his "important" calls. I think he's in one of those "music sales marketing" jobs you see advertised on craiglist ... and probably most of the time there's no one on the other end. Once I heard him beg for his job! It was great. Having had enough, I yelled, "Ha, ha! Douchebag!" People yell out the windows at him.

At one point he had a dog and naturally left dogshit all over. I guess his ghetto reception has gotten worse or the tenants have finally taken up arms against him, because he's now parading up and down the sidewalk in his socks, making his loud, "important calls." I made sure to let him know I was taking his picture so he felt super-important.

I'm so glad I'm moving.

Mother Douche

2010-09-24T15:09:00.001-07:00

From My Wee Lad

2010-09-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

Sent by phonecam from him this AM: "Woah! the jerkoff store called: paul jr designs signature grill covers are once again in stock!"

The Joaquin Phoenix 'I'm Still Here' Trailer (VIDEO)

2010-08-17T11:02:00.001-07:00

yech
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Doucheboat - it's a noun

2010-07-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

A male character or celebrity who is undeniably attractive, despite possessing an abhorrent personality.

Origin: Coined many moons ago in the EW offices by Idolatry‘s own Kristen Baldwin, and kept alive by News & Notes editor Meeta Agrawal, this jaunty combination of the words “douche” and “dreamboat” once again surfaced during today’s EW morning meeting.

Sample sentence: Bradley Cooper has perfected the doucheboat role in Wedding Crashers, He’s Just Not That Into You, and The Hangover, but when it comes to TV, Josh Hopkins’ work on Cougar Town and Brothers & Sisters is the gold standard.

American Apparel

2010-06-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

With years of their racist, sexist, and whatever other shady practices (that many American companies use to place the fear of God into their employees) remember this - bankruptcy is right around the corner.

Weredouche

2010-04-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

Yes!

Oooh!!

2010-04-20T09:58:00.001-07:00

That's an old prison-wife trick ...

Haha Matt Taibbi

2010-04-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

POPE STILL A DOUCHE By Matt Taibbi, defender of truth

Let Them Know!

2010-03-04T08:14:00.000-08:00

My wife just gave me these sticky notes and they are awesome! I can't wait to use them on my co-workers.

This Makes Me Want To Throw On A Mink Stole

2010-03-04T08:05:00.000-08:00

bag. of. douche.

Jagoff Punim

2010-02-25T14:48:00.001-08:00

Sin Comentarios

2010-02-24T12:40:00.000-08:00

new DOUCHEwear for your feet

2010-02-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/

GlyphJockey Moved New Site/New RSS

2010-02-04T15:21:00.000-08:00

Greetings, one and all (especially all)
Blogger in it's infinite run-by-robots faceless wisdom will no longer support my old GlyphJockey.com as a blog so it's now at http://glyphjockey.blogspot.com - and while a pain in the ass it already seems easier to use. The feed is new (no real way to redirect) so please stop by and resubscribe to my list of inane musings.
Thanks!

Wrapped Up Like a Douche

2010-01-26T15:19:00.001-08:00

When Springsteen performed this on "Unplugged" he made it clear that he wrote the word "deuce" and had nothing to do with MMEB's word change.

Fab.

Thanks

2010-01-23T22:10:00.000-08:00

...for showing us nothing is more important than accounting, money, and the lowest common denominator.

My Sister and Brother In Law

2010-01-23T13:10:00.000-08:00

I love 'em but, and I quote:
"Putting Solar Power on your house is no good - because the subsidy you receive comes out of my tax dollars - you might as well take a pile of $1.00 bills and burn them - it'd be more efficient."
and
"Hey - once those mining companies are done cutting the tops off those mountains they make it real nice."

Like Courtney Love With a Penis

2010-01-23T12:45:00.000-08:00

Andy Dick Arrested for Sexual Abuse

God forbid he just tries to be funny......

Mayor of the Douchebags

2010-01-15T21:23:00.000-08:00

Say "CHEESE"!!!: Antonio Villaragosa {Mayor of Los Angeles}

Coming soon to a television near you.
No, better still…
Coming soon to a major American soap opera near you {All My Children}.

You Know I Had To

2010-01-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

big gulp.

Kate Water Douche

2010-01-10T15:26:00.000-08:00

I really couldn't think of a more clever title for this truly awful video clip.

How Jersey Shore Are You? | Liquid Generation

2010-01-05T06:28:00.000-08:00

It's time to find out....

How Jersey Shore Are You? Liquid Generation

The Purpose Driven Douche

2010-01-03T14:27:00.000-08:00

Pastor Rick Warren of Orange County's Saddleback Church is a vile, homophobic, Tommy Bahamas shirt-wearing, gluttonous fat pig who was part of history when Obama hand-selected him to bless his Inauguration ceremony. Warren heads the 8th largest church in the USA.

On the last weekend of 2009, Pastor Rick (as he is known to his flock) came out with the email decree to his minions: "Our total offerings were less than half of what we normally receive -- leaving us $900,000 in the red for the year," Warren wrote.

He pleaded with the congregants to help make up the difference, and on Saturday announced that they had done so and more, as donations over the last 48 hours of 2009 came to $2.4 million and counting.

Pretty impressive from a congregation in a state with 12.3% unemployment and 2.2 million unemployed residents.

Somewhere P.T. Barnum is smiling.

Ghost Douche

2010-01-03T14:07:00.001-08:00

Joel McHale on E!'s The Soup refers to Zak Bagans as "Ghost Douche". He often shows clips and pokes fun at the overly fake tanned meathead ghosthunter.

As lead paranormal investigator on Travel Channel's Ghost Adventures - Zak, a former disc jockey, opens the show with the narration:

“My name is Zak Bagans. I’ve never believed in ghosts until I came face to face with one. So I set out on a quest to capture what I once saw onto video....With no big camera crews following us around, I am joined only by my fellow investigator Nick Groff and our equipment tech Aaron Goodwin. The three of us will travel to the some of most highly active paranormal locations, where we will spend an entire night, being locked down from dusk until dawn....Raw...Extreme...These are our Ghost Adventures."

Zak likes to provoke spirits by yelling ( "Are you the one whose been picking on women in this house? Why don't you come down and attack me then if you think you are so tough ?!). He also shows off his muscle bod with tight black lycra shirts which photograph as form fitting white in "night vision".

Zak lives in Las Vegas ('nuff said?) and recently at the Hard Rock Casino tattoo parlor - Zak got this douchey tattoo while his buddy documented it.

Parody of a Douchebag: Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job! {Beaver Boys}

2009-12-21T06:43:00.000-08:00

t - shirt of Beaver Boys

Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job! {Adult Swim}

Beaver Boys are a creation of comedy team, Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim (a.k.a Tim and Eric). Beaver Boys are douchbags who love dating surgically altered female twins, devouring shrimp and guzzling white wine ("white Zin") until they both end up in the e.r.. Tim and Eric's comedy stylings are not for everyone (Though, it works for me!) but who cannot resist laughing at a douche?

Life. Liberty. And The Pursuit of Shoredouche

2009-12-11T16:47:00.000-08:00

Pauly D - guido douche (guidouche) from MTV's sensational JERSEY SHORE sports the Cadillac logo on his side. I bet that will look so foxy when he is age 65.

Mark Lisanti brilliant blogger and wit on TWITTER tweeted this about Pauly:

"I'll say one thing: Even the most advanced gel of 1987 could never compete with Pauly D's futuristic Gottihead technology."

The 12 Days of Christmas: Douchebag Edition Douchebags: Details.com

2009-12-11T15:45:00.000-08:00

The title speaks for itself.

The 12 Days of Christmas: Douchebag Edition Douchebags: Details.com

Haw! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

2009-12-11T13:45:00.001-08:00

Seen at Huffington Post

International Douchebag Awareness Day

2009-12-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

While we feel that we are aware of them just about every day, someone's doing something about it. Not sure if that means punching them or raising money to ship them to a faraway place or a mass burning of Ed Hardywear, but find out more here.

Thanks, Ken.

Douchebag? The Handy Man Can!

2009-12-02T18:50:00.000-08:00

owner of local recording studio/ rehearsal space: "What can we do about these (gaps) here…all along this area?"

redneck repair man: "Aw-w-w-w, now it looks like somebody plugged these spaces up with silicone. That's pretty much what I'm gonna' do for you. 'Cause look, them holes you got in your wall(s) need to be plugged up…like a vagina. Heh! Heh! Heh! Heh! No, really. It's like a whole bunch of vaginas."

Overheard as I was upstairs, lying in bed, demurely reading the latest issue of Country Living 'round 4:50 p.m. today. This is the first time I heard voices from the wall I was up against. Sounded as if the pair were standing right in our den of love. For a split second, I thought their voices were coming from the radio but no.

Douche on the Road

2009-11-27T16:22:00.001-08:00

Pantheon Zeus sends from his iphone:

Having a plate like that naturally makes one hate you. Or at least us.

Douche: heard 76 times!

2009-11-14T10:04:00.000-08:00

Read all about it here.

In total, the word has surfaced at least 76 times already this year on 26 prime-time network series, according to research by the Parents Television Council, which compiled the statistics at the request of The New York Times. That is up from 30 uses on 15 shows in all of 2007 and just six instances on four programs in 2005.

Just think: it's someone's job to tally up the d-word.

Douchebag In Vegas

2009-11-07T21:31:00.001-08:00

Buffalo Lawyer Douche

2009-11-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

When I moved here from Chicago a year ago I was told by my new State Farm agent that NY was a sue happy state. Well, these douches are fucking EVERYWHERE. Everywhere you turn you see their billboards or commercials on the TV. I thought the Empire Carpet guy was a douche... boy was I wrong. My husband, his boss and myself have started calling them "The Lobotomy Brothers".

http://www.cellinoandbarnes.com/

Buffalo Obese Douches

2009-11-06T21:18:00.001-08:00

Holy fat fucks Batman, I smell ass on some of these douches.... Put the chicken wings down!
http://www.wgrz.com/news/health/story.aspx?storyid=51918&catid=8

Buffalo Bills Fan Douche

2009-11-06T21:06:00.000-08:00

I live a "block" from the Bills' stadium and these douches start tailgating at around 9am. They totally fuck up the "neighborhood" and get in fights.... Guess there ain't much else to do in Buffalo but love yer sports teams.

Buffalo Male Douche

2009-11-06T20:38:00.001-08:00

Juli's Neighbor Douche

2009-11-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

Mr. DJ MC.... Whatever the hell that means.... He's also a snob and a half, cannot even tell you why?

http://phenomenonsound.com/djs.htm

Still Wondering?

2009-11-03T18:08:00.000-08:00

BAG OF DOUCHE

2009-10-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

And why am I tormented by her?

"Wow!!" a woman with kitchen utensils and soapy thighs? Ugh. I give her points for owning a pit bull, but god, she gives all Americans a bad name with her "stiff the foreigners on 5 bucks a day through the great capitals of Europe" shows and god knows what else. When I hear her SOS pad of a voice I rush to change the channel. Make her stop.

No Douchebag (For Once)

2009-10-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

Good ol' anonymous Dan, apparently a GlyphJockey regular reader, has returned with another splendid eclectic mix of Hallowe'en hits
Link at pickaxeinyourskull

Not douchebags.

2009-10-20T17:53:00.000-07:00

Required reading for that fresh feeling.

Bill Donahue

2009-10-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

Bill Donahue:" The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they're too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids."

Donohue is a staunch defender of Mel Gibson's movie The Passion of the Christ. nuf said!

He is way beyond religious conservative and 300% total douchebag. If you ever see this guy on the street... kick him.

Drink Up, Douchebags !

2009-10-19T14:20:00.000-07:00

With its subtle notes of douchebag - Ed Hardy wines are the perfect drink to sip on a Summer's Eve.

Goo Goo Douches

2009-10-17T12:49:00.001-07:00

You meet Nelson Mandela and this is what you wear?

Probably bought at Nordstrom's.

Chariot of the Douchebags

2009-10-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

Every time I encounter a Lexus on the road the driver is always doing something self centered and douchetastic. I honestly don't see the appeal of the Lexus. To me, these cars seem very ordinary looking, but they are on the must have list of every douche driving around here. I have some advice for the Lexidouches who take up two parking spaces. If you're worried about dings you're not as rich as you want me to believe.

Lois (not so) Smart, a Douche-Mom

2009-10-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth Smart's MOTHER is a classic DOUCHEBAG. It was Mom who decided she was a good christian to bring a homeless man named Brian David Mitchell into her Salt Lake City home to work as a handyman. He (and his nutty wife) later kidnapped and molested Smart's pretty 14-year-old daughter.

Ed and Lois Smart, with their six children, resided in the affluent neighborhood of Federal Heights in Salt Lake City, Utah. The Smarts often sought to help unemployed people in the community by paying them for odd jobs or handy work around the property.

Oh sure, great idea!! Let's bring home a stinky dude from downtown who calls himself "Emmanuel" -- maybe he's an angel ? Idiots!

Elizabeth Smart was later found - and quickly sold her story to TV and book publishers - and I am sure gave a good chunk of her ordeal profits back to the LDS Church.

At the trial, her crazy kidnapper entered the courtroom singing a Mormon hymn.

Elizabeth (now age 21) testified that Mitchell could turn on or off his religious rants depending on whether it would help him get what he needed. (and that is so different from LDS Church and every other religious organization?)

Smart is old news in my book. Who cares? Hasn't her family (and their church) profited enough from their own delusional stupidity - and child endangerment?

I am on "Team Jaycee" - Jaycee's parents did not invite the felon molester into their life.

Douchebags: Lost and Found

2009-10-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hey, Douche. You passed me by on the street last night. We turned and looked ... I admired your Ed Hardy shirt and you loved my Juicy Couture. At least I think you did. Or was it my Manolos? Actually, if you knew they were, you'd probably be gay, right? Not that that's wrong, but you know what I mean. You're hot, and you know it. We both know it. I'm sure you were on your way to The Sports Club. You smelled like Cool Water. Douche you later. Read more here.

photo found here by googling "williamsburg douchebags."

Pretend Douche/Real Douche

2009-10-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

A lovely moment from the new season of Peep Show

I suppose I should've added: Jez, pretend DB- Bush real DB

Amazing Ad

2009-09-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

Got this month's W .....

and saw this ad:......

and lo, I was sore amazed:

It appears someone's 'avin' a larf wi' these eye-talians.......

Somebody's Gotta Do It: Polanski

2009-09-28T10:50:00.001-07:00

Yes. I am the closet square who doesn't think it's cool to - ahhh, lemme just quote the Guardian: "Roman Polanski's case in 1977 surely has to be the high-water mark of Hollywood Babylon: an abysmally shaming offence – sexually molesting a 13-year-old girl who had been plied with champagne and Quaaludes – for which Polanski effectively forfeited the public sympathy he'd earned after his wife Sharon Tate was murdered in 1969 by the Charles Manson gang."
...and from everything I've read that "molestation" was vaginal and anal rape.

So, for all the 13-year-old girls out there, all the girls that I was friends with when I was 13, my daughters, my wife when she was 13 (I didn't know her then, but I still wouldn't have wanted this to happen to her), for all the 13 year old girls still living in the memories of the women I'm friends with now, Roman Polanski's a douchebag.

Conversely, if you, when you were thirteen, wanted a 44 year old man to give you booze and ludes and rape you, please feel free to disinclude yourself.

Oh and stuff the "age of consent in many countries" BS.

Lastly, if he stands trial and is found innocent, then I'll do a DBONDB post just for The Ninth Gate - haw!

D-Wear To The MAXX: L.A. Gear

2009-09-27T02:27:00.000-07:00

They're back!

No, really they are.

Pass the Plunger, It's Full of Shit

2009-09-24T11:43:00.000-07:00

Jason Hawes and his fellow Roto Rooter plumber Grant Wilson were once just ordinary working joes (Joe the Plumbers?) living in Rhode Island with a ghost-hunting hobby. Then they became TV stars -- or should I say "reality TV stars" where there is very little reality on display. Their show Ghost Hunters is a hit - and even spawned a spinoff for Sci Fi network: Ghost Hunters International. On that show, the investigators speak to the ghosts of the centuries-old dead in English despite being in Germany, Prague or Mexico. wow.

What makes him a douche?

Jason and his buddy Grant took their TV/dvd money and invested in an old New Hampshire INN that they featured on their show (ofcourse they said it was supposedly haunted too).

So, they are now B&B owners - and hold paranormal ghost hunting boot camps there and Halloween parties.

Jason also now wears a hoodie promoting his Spaulding Inn - with big lettering that can be easily read on night vision camera -- during episodes of Ghost Hunters.

Nothing like milking your celebrity to exploit gullible ghost hunter geeks with disposable income.

Know who else is a douche?
The CEO who decided to change the spelling of the network to a retard-friendly more phonetic: SY FY.

More on Flickr's Douchebaginess

2009-09-19T19:24:00.001-07:00

be sure to read the comments. Seems our pal Terrence has been spreading his stink far and wide.

Flickr's Admins are Douchebags

2009-09-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

Especially the one named "Terrence." I got reported as having "moderate" content. Gee, could it have been Jayne Mansfield's boob hanging out over Sophia Loren? Blaze Starr's bum? Try getting out of "moderate" status on Flickr. It means you can't post to groups (my favorites being "spelling mistakes" and of course, "hair curler fetish," and "vintage big hair.") Also, if anyone wanted to look at my stuff, they had to agree to look "outside of their special safe search." Oooh! After I announced my persecution, I was emailed by several flickerites who were in the same boat. This one fella seemed to be the biggest Flickr nazi, taking it upon himself to go through collection after collection. He even told a pal of mine that his collection of antique photos weren't OK to post "because he didn't take them."

I won't bore you with the entire email exchange, but here was my last communication: I just deleted my account and you are the reason. Goodbye.

Kanye West Is Such A Douchebag

2009-09-14T19:28:00.001-07:00

Kanye West is definitely a douchebag. I'm sure most of you probably know by now what he did at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. I think his actions certainly explain why I and many others think he's a douchebag. My mom and sister are furious over what he did to Taylor Shift during her acceptance speech. The dude should be ashamed of himself.

Jon Crowley Is A Douchebag

2009-09-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

Need proof? Check out the site for Jon Crowley. There's a lot of douchebags working in tv, but you know it's bad when you're at a lunch filled with people in all stratas of tv production and the one "I'll never work with ___ again," name that comes up over and over is this guy's. His tactics include: firing the messenger who doesn't bring him the clips/scripts/fill in the blanks that he wants, hogging the food/heater/chairs on shoots, and of course, taking the credit and shifting the blame. He's now at "TruTv" in NY, but we're sure he'll move on, because that's his MO. Oh, he also likes to fire people right before a holiday, after all the rest of the staff have left. He's a class act. He loves to tell his staff he was raised by nannies, which may explain his hatred of women.

He looks like Victor Buono, too. Nice guy. And here's some of his high class "productions."

Maybe I shouldn't pick on Victor Buono like that. lol

The Douchebag Weatherman

2009-09-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

Mark Thompson is one annoying douchebag. Blasting bad music while dancing in front of the map, he blocks the temperatures so you can't see before he flails into the camera. He'll even beg you to follow him on Twitter. Ugh.

Douches Who Drive

2009-09-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

Case in point: this d-bag, who cut in front me (without signalling, naturally.) What does his license plate read? "MUSEC" which I'm guessing is supposed to mean "music" and he couldn't get it so he settled. Oh, and that's a "fight terrorism" with a 9/11 twin towers logo on the plate, too. Nice. This douche from Virginia drove all the way to LA in his Suzuki just to prove that LA drivers aren't the worst of all, because he was too busy either checking his GPS, texting, or listening to his "MUSEC" to pay attention to the road. Good job fighting terrorism, douchebag.

Michael Duvall is a douchebag of epic proportions

2009-09-09T12:45:00.000-07:00

Oh man. And not only because he looks like one.

Michael Duvall is a conservative Republican state representative from Orange County, California. While waiting for the start of a legislative hearing in July, the 54-year-old married father of two and family values champion began describing, for the benefit of a colleague seated next to him, his ongoing affairs with two different women. In very graphic detail. Duvall's sophomoric braggadocio, of course, was picked up by the microphone in front of him, and wound up on a tape for the legislature's in-house TV station. Read the rest here.

Hey! A Guide For All

2009-09-07T18:35:00.001-07:00

Saw this, ironically, in one of the douchiest places I've been lately, Urban Outfitters. Methinks they doth protest too much.

Verdict: You're a Douchbag!

2009-09-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

Spade Cooley

2009-09-05T12:10:00.000-07:00

Old ground for me as well. Beat his wife to death. This one's a twofer: I'm also posting it here

Shame on You....

This one's from a full length Stooges (the right kind - with Curly!) Rockin' in the Rockies

The Douchebag Club

2009-09-05T07:36:00.001-07:00

You can now become a member of the new douchebag club. You'll be in good company with V.I.P. members such as Michael Lohan and Jon Gosselin. Yeah, those are totally the kind of dorks I want as my role models. lol

Douchbags with Children

2009-09-04T20:51:00.001-07:00

Why the F*** Do You Have a Kid? (blog)

University of Douchebag: G.Q.'s Top 25 Most Obnoxious Colleges

2009-09-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

More in this month's issue of Gentleman's Quarterly.

No Parking on the Dancefloor

2009-09-04T02:40:00.000-07:00

If an eatery has a parking lot where another parked patron has parked carelessly (overlapping the painted parking lines, parking a massive beast of a vehicle in a space marked compact car, etc.) making it difficult for you yourself to park, do you:

a.) move your vehicle to an alternate parking spot (the street or the empty parking lot directly across from the eatery)?

b.) give up and drive to another house of grub?

c.) squeeze your modern day V.W. convertible Beetle into a space that is half of a parking space, half of the patio where diners sit eating, "watching" their rambunctious toddlers, and mingling?

The parking space at this joint is odd and tight.

modern V.W. Beetle parked on the rocks. Owner of V.W. is a retard.

So I now ask you to decided - douchebag or no douchebag?

Irina's Choice

2009-09-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

Enlarge by clicking

Also a delicious marinade for herring.

Douchebag: LOST!!!

2009-08-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

I found this while rummaging through my Flickr photographs tonight.
I thought you might enjoy this flyer.

Paid Douche

2009-08-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

A delightful recap of the over-the-top-douchery of Glen Beck HERE

Jon & Kate Are Both Douchebags

2009-08-26T08:03:00.000-07:00

This is my first post here. I want to thank Donna for inviting me to be a contributor here. I appreciate it so much. I am so sick of hearing about Jon and Kate. It seems like every single time I turn on the television there is a story about them. I think I only watched their show once or twice. I couldn't stand either one of them. They are both douchebags in my opinion.

P.S. I love the idea of this blog. It's ultra cool. I definitely want to go back and see all the posts I've misses so far. You guys are doing a fantastic job so far.

How Douchebags Dress Their Offspring

2009-08-24T07:32:00.000-07:00

Good god. Saw this headline: "Do you have a mini-fashionista?" First off, "-ista" has a bad connotation, like Sandinista. Do not use it unless you are a douche. Second, look at this article in all of its doucheworthy glory.

There really should be black stripes over their eyes.

Big Edie: Mother. Socialite. Douchebag.

2009-08-24T03:05:00.000-07:00

Big Edie {screenshot from the documentary, Grey Gardens}

Before everyone takes away my medicated nozzle, just know I think Big Edie was one douche of a mother. If it wasn't for her controlling hand (and whatever mental illness plagued the family that wasn't discussed in the film) Little Edie may have been able to live on her own as an adult prior to her mother's passing. So what if there hadn't been a Grey Gardens. Believe you me, there would have been something else to fill the void.

Nice Doin' Business with Ya': Douchebag Businessmen & Crazy Robertson

2009-08-24T01:45:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling extremely irritated and yeast-y from looking at and listening to those two characters. It sure feels like Crazy Robertson is (still) being exploited to me. And, does the douche in the gold frames even have lenses in those hideous things?! P-l-e-a-s-e!

At The Douche-cotheque: Baby Loves Disco

2009-08-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

Baby Loves Disco.
This is real.
For douches with babies and toddlers who just can't give up the nightlife, this was created. These happenings occur during the day so your kid can dance their diaper off and you can get wasted in public like the good old days (sans the child 'cause back then you would have fallen down a flight of stairs to get rid of it).
Baby Loves Disco can be found in most large douchebag cities and nightclubs around the country.

Total Cult O' Douche: The Hipster Olympics {2007}

2009-08-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

Depending on where you live, for the past eight to ten years, from Los Feliz Village (L.A.) to Williamsburg (N.Y.), the cult of hipsters has been on the rise. If you don't know who they are or what they do, the video below will sort of explain it all. Just be aware that they are a menace to society. It's only polite to give everyone a chance but these folks, cut 'em off at the pass. My greatest "hipster" moments happened when I lived in Los Feliz Village. It's the hipster douchebag capital of the west coast (right alongside Silver Lake/ Sunset Junction; authentic "cool" people reside there but douchebags live/work/play there in full force).

May, 2005: I was headed back to my apartment, frazzled out of my mind after a hectic day of work, helping wealthy douchebags on the westside of town. A small woman-child enveloped in her hideous Eighties garb with her equally badly dressed friends said to me point blank, "Gimme a cigarette." Gimme a cigarette? Excuse me! Where does she get off thinking I am a smoker or that I have cigarettes…and one with her name on it? We've never met before. Who the fuck is this turd?
I'd never seen this little person before in my life and I don't know any one that rude.
My reply was simple, "Get the fuck out of my face!" to which she just tilted her head to the side.
The air of entitlement is thick with this group. Strong language is a must when dealing with these rodents.

Note: Have your vomit bag on hand. You will need it most def (Not to be confused with the rap artist, Mos Def, who is a hipster favorite 'cause authentic "cool" music listeners dig what he's putting down).

Ed Hardy Energy Drink

2009-08-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

It's been documented that Ed Hardy clothing has a strong following amongst the red cup holding scenesters, but did you know that they have an energy drink as well? This hyper-who's-who poster turned up after looking for an image of the ever so elusive "Godfather of Tattoos." They spared little expense in Graphic Design handiwork. Color correction, dare we say no? What's important here are those A listers and wanna-be A's, with their lips puckering up for Hardy brand's sweet nectar. Slurp it down K-Fed, Bobby Brown, Vince Neal, orange tanned guy next to Traci Bingham, etc. We've got overpriced California lifestyle garb to push.

Lookit

2009-08-22T14:55:00.000-07:00

Why I don't do a post about the unnamed thieves who are allegedly seeming to try to destroy my unnamed company.

LICENSE TO ILL

2009-08-22T13:21:00.001-07:00

spotted in Los Angeles - on a black sportscar

rear license plate frame read:

GAS, GRASS OR ASS

NOONE RIDES FOR FREE

the plate read: XOTIC6

-------------------
what would you guess?

a stripper's car? or a douche who books strippers?

Color Me Bimbo: Shauna Sand

2009-08-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

Shauna Sand attempts to crack a smile leaving Chanel in L.A. {May, 2008}

Shauna as a student of Muirlands Junior High School {early/ mid - 1980s}

Shauna relaxing at the beach with one of her young daughters from her marriage to "actor" Lorenzo Lamas {August, 2008}

Shauna is either NOT amused or her face has frozen {July, 2009}

Shauna Sand.

I will admit it right now, I am intrigued and repelled by this do - nothing blonde douchebag.

Sand has been on my radar since the 90s. From what I know, she is a Playboy magazine pin-up and a low-end exotic model. Sand was once married to the equally douche-y offspring of Fernando Lamas and Esther Williams, Lorenzo (Renegade), and gave birth to actual, real babies.

If she has ever acted, written a book, or been a recording star, somehow I missed that mess and I might hate myself for it. If this is true, she must be a hit overseas…only.

She is usually seen in the company of men (sometimes women) who are the flipside of her coin. Apparently, six years ago she got hitched to this douche…I mean dude who Sand claims beat her. She has recently filed for divorce from him.

Her brain power (i.q.) is unknown. I mean is she smart or is she dumb? Or, does she think she is smart but is dumb and bossy? Or, is she smart but in on the joke but we can't tell because she's had the personality removed from her face? She is also fluent in French or something that sounds like French.

Shauna - who is perennially dressed like a porn starlet - I am betting can usually be found dragging her tacky, Bedazzled, plastic ass all over L.A. ( meaning all points west of Hollywood ). She frequents expensive places but always looks like she should be doing nails at a salon in Tustin.
Shauna Sand: Another aimless bleach blonde… California girl… all - American douchebag.

A: "Box Lunch"

2009-08-22T10:22:00.001-07:00

King Douche

2009-08-22T09:44:00.001-07:00

As smelly as a Summer's Eve, this one works out at Crunch on the strip in full makeup. He looks like the Cowardly Lion gone horribly wrong. I actually stopped going to my esthetician when I found out he was a client. Why is he famous?

Douche of the Month Club

2009-08-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

Max Hodges -- surfer dude douche

The Santa Cruz, California native has worked for TV tool Harvey Levin for several years - formerly as production assistant/runner/office eyecandy on Extra, Celebrity Justice and now featured on TMZ- as an on-air "personality" (sans a personality).

He frequently offers douche quotes like: "Dog the Bounty Hunter is great. He’s the man." -- and apparently has a car with a vanity plate that reads: 'IM RADD'.

Douche the Dictionary

2009-08-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

Douche Chills (noun)

The intense feeling, very similar to a shiver up your spine, that can be invoked simply from being in the presence of a douche bag -though usually triggered by a specific douchey act or statement.

One blogger describes:

I do not like hearing character's opinions on music in the movies. It generally gives me douche chills. Remember Garden State with Zach Braff and Natalie Portman? When they meet, what does Natalie Portman say to Zach Braff about The Shins? That's right!

"[The Shins] will change your life. I swear."

Chiiill.

The Man Who Loved Douchebags

2009-08-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

From the marvelous Not So Fresh Feeling group on Flickr.

Appetizing.

2009-08-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

"It cleanses and deodorizes!"

2009-08-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

Douche of Tomorrow, Today !

2009-08-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

Sam Worthington -
new Aussie actor with the yappity trap of blowhard Mel Gibson and the phone-throwing machismo of Russell Crowe.

4 movies, 4 leading roles, all coming out within months of one another -

Avatar - 'King of the World' James Cameron's new 3-D thingy with Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal look-alikes as its CGI stars.

The Debt - a thriller with Helen Mirren about renegade Mossad agents hunting a Nazi war criminal

Clash of the Titans - remake with him as Perseus alongside Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes

Last Night - a romantic drama about a love triangle between him and Keira Knightley and Eva Mendes.

Worthington understands why Christian Bale went off on the cinematographer on the Terminator Salvation set (in which he co-starred).

"That guy was messing up the scene. Christian was there giving it his all, and this guy was screwing up everything."

More Douche Quotes:

"Suddenly the doors open, and I've always said 'I'm gonna kick the fucker in'."

"But I don't ever feel that there's a pressure of a suit going, 'If this fucks up, it's because of you,' because I'll go, 'You hired me, dickhead!'"

"I said to Christian [Bale] ... I'm waiting for my tirades to come out. Or me on the toilet. Either way, it's going to be on YouTube."

"I say it to Australian journalists all the time: 'You've fucking said some shit about me. I don't mind if you criticize my work, but you fucking shit on me, I'll kill you.' That's dead-set and simple."

"As soon as I got out of drama school, I wrote down a list of every Australian actor there was, and then I went and watched all of their videos. So now I've watched every actor's work, knowing full well that no one knows mine... Then I did the same thing in America. I researched everybody."

"I walked up to [Danish actor] Mads Mikkelsen and said, 'I've seen every single movie you've done,' and he said, 'That's insane, but why?' And I said, 'Cause now I know where you come from, I know what work you're good at, and I know damn well you're not doing that about me.' So if it's poker, I've got the upper hand."

LICENSE TO ILL

2009-08-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

A douche-y license plate seen in Los Angeles --

"STRMAKR"

I assume it means 'star maker'?
and I suppose on the car of a self-proclaimed career changing agent or manager? or the car of a manipulative porn producer...

The Olden Days of Douche

2009-08-21T16:54:00.000-07:00

Lord and Lady Douchebag

2009-08-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

The ones who started it all.

One of the final skits from SNL's original cast - on the final episode of the 1979-80 season.

Butler....................Garrett Morris
Lord Salisbury..........Harry Shearer
Earl of Sandwich.......Bill Murray

Lord Douchebag.....Buck Henry
Lady Douchebag.....Gilda Radner

---------------------------

Butler: Lord and Lady Douchebag!

Lord Salisbury: Well, well, well.. I was just asking Lord Sandwich, "Where the devil are those Douchebags?"

Lady Douchebag: Well, it has been impossible to get him out of his workshop! He has been working day and night.

Lord Salisbury: You, Douchebag? Well, I wasn't aware you dabbled in that sort of thing. What in heaven's name are you working on?

Lord Douchebag: Well, I would be happy to tell you.. but perhaps after you have finished eating.

Lord Salisbury: Well, here is Chambers right now. Would you like something to eat?

Lord Douchebag: We're not too hungry right now - just a plate of raw vegetables.

Lord Salisbury: Would you like some dresing with that?

Lady Douchebag: Just some vinegar and water, thank you.

Earl of Sandwich: Douchebag, how are you? I haven't seen you in the House of Lords in ages! Don't tell me for the first time in memory we are going to have a House of Parliament without a Douchebag?

Lord Douchebag: My dear Sandwich, Parliament has always had its share of Douchebags, and it always will.

Lord Salisbury: Spoken like a true Douchebag. I have often heard the King speak of your family.. [ to Earl of Sandwich ] ..and of yours, as well: "Give me a Sandwich and a Douchebag, and there is nothing I cannot do."

Earl of Sandwich: Hear, hear!

Lord Salisbury: So, tell me, Douchebag.. when are you going to show us that invention of yours?

Earl of Sandwich: Yes, Douchebag, just what kind of an invention are you sitting on?

Lord Doucebag: Well, it's a long story. Why don't we go out to the garden, and I'll explain it to you.

Earl of Sandwich: Tell me - did Lady Douchebag help you in the project?

Lord Douchebag: Help? Why.. she was the inspiration!

[ they exit to the garden to discuss the wondrous invention ]

Butler: Lord Compost Heap and Lady Disinfectant Cake!

[ fade ]

Thanks Voltmeter.